To help women who are facing this tremendous grief, my team and I have put together several resources dedicated to providing you with the support and encouragement you need to help begin the healing process.

These resources can be found in the Health Tip Library in the SLAM app. 

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is in October, and I had the opportunity to connect with Lindsey Huttner to learn more about how to honor this important time of remembrance.

A maternal mental health therapist and a licensed clinical social worker, Lindsey has worked with thousands of women who have suffered from miscarriage or infant loss through her private practice, Butterfly Effect Therapy, and coaching website, Unlock Your Therapy.

In the interview below, I had the opportunity to ask her for advice on how to heal after experiencing a miscarriage or infant loss. 

Interview with Lindsey Huttner, Licensed Clinical Social Worker:

What Causes Miscarriage? What Causes Infant Loss?

Lindsey: I know this is a frustrating answer, but the majority of cases are completely unknown. 

With regard to miscarriage, according to the Cleveland Clinic, 50% of miscarriages that happen in the first trimester are due to chromosomal abnormalities that doctors typically can’t detect.

It has nothing to do with something heavy you moved or a workout you did, those activities are actually good for you!

This is the case for infant loss as well. The majority of cases are completely unknown, but it has nothing to do with something you did to cause it. 

Statistics can be helpful for women who are trying to find answers. I put together these videos with information about the number of women who experience miscarriage and the number of women who experience infant loss.

What About IVF? Shouldn’t Abnormalities Be Detected After Rigorous Testing that is Done?

Lindsey: Because doctors still can’t detect every chromosomal abnormality, even those who have had extensive testing done on the embryo through IVF might still experience a miscarriage, which can be deeply confusing.

I find that women who experience loss after IVF tend to blame themselves even more. If they had extensive testing and medical support throughout the process and nothing was detected, they often feel it must be something they did to cause the loss. This is simply not true. 

Can Stress Make You Have a Miscarriage?

Lindsey: Women might feel that being under a lot of stress, especially stress outside of their control, might have caused the miscarriage or infant loss. This is also not true. 

I see a lot of clients who self-blame and want to find a reason why this happened to them, which is completely normal. Please know that it is nothing you did to cause it. It is outside of your control. 

How Many Pregnancies End in Miscarriage?

Lindsey: According to the Mayo Clinic, “About 10% to 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. But the actual number is likely higher. This is because many miscarriages happen early on, before people realize they’re pregnant.”

What are Some Words of Wisdom or Healing Advice You Can Offer to Women Who Recently Suffered a Miscarriage or Infant Loss?  

Lindsey: It is comforting to know that the majority of women (well over 85%, according to the American Pregnancy Association) go on to have normal pregnancies after experiencing loss. I always tell my clients to focus on that 85% – I find it to be so helpful and encouraging.

If you have experienced loss and have a medical appointment coming up, let your doctor know ahead of time. This is because they often will not have it flagged on your medical chart. I especially encourage this if you’re going back to the same medical center where you experienced the loss initially. Ask that they put you in a different exam room or ultrasound area, as being in the same space where you experienced the loss can be extremely triggering. 

I understand how difficult it is to call a doctor’s office and make this request, so I recommend having a partner or friend/family member call on your behalf. 

What are Some of the Emotions I Might Feel After a Miscarriage or Infant Loss? 

Lindsey: Many women go through five stages of grief, which I talk about in further detail in this video. Some of the emotions you might experience include anger, depression, guilt/self-blame, and anxiety about the future, including future pregnancies. 

What are Some Ways to Cope and Heal After Loss? 

Lindsey: In my practice, I like to teach my clients about something called “thought diffusion.” When a negative thought comes in – such as feeling blame or anger towards your body – let the thought enter your mind, but then let it pass. I like to visualize clouds, because clouds come and go. 

Allow the thought to come in, and label it in your mind as a thought. Remind yourself that this is simply a thought, you are not your thoughts, and thoughts are not facts. Then, try to let the thought pass. After this happens, bring yourself back to the present moment by engaging in an engrossing activity, such as listening to a podcast, taking a bath, making a cup of tea, or doing something else that allows you to be fully present and engrossed in the activity. 

As the thoughts come through, continue to label them as thoughts, then allow them to pass. Be mindful that the clouds are present but are far away and can come and go. 

How Can I Memorialize the Loss?

Lindsey: Some women want to honor the memory and memorialize their loss, and others don’t. Whichever path you choose, please know that both options are completely normal and healthy. 

If you do want to honor the memory, you might save the ultrasound picture or put together a memory box. I also recommend talking about the loss with people you’re comfortable with, as it is often helpful to express what you’re experiencing throughout the healing process.

Here is a website that offers a free loss support group.

Should I Feel Guilty About Moving on or Trying to Get Pregnant Again? 

Lindsey: There is nothing wrong with moving on, and it is perfectly healthy and normal to want to get pregnant again! As time goes on, you can carry that remembrance with you, and move forward without feeling guilty about doing so. 

You also might find that your relationship with your partner has changed after experiencing loss. I put together this video with guidance on how to help couples navigate this challenging time:

How Can I Reconnect with my Body Again?

Lindsey: I find many women tend to ignore their bodies after experiencing a traumatic loss. They no longer touch their belly in the shower, or they might ignore their body altogether after experiencing loss. I strongly recommend practicing yoga, whether online or in a class, to help reconnect with your body. 

I also recommend going on “mindful walks.” Use the five senses as you walk. Describe what you see, smell, feel, taste, and hear. Try to leave your phone at home, or leave it on silent in your pocket to remain as present as possible.  As you walk, feel the sun on your face, your feet on the floor. Breathe in the fresh air, take in the scents around you. Try to remain as present and connected as possible.

If you are struggling with this, I put together this video to help find ways to trust your body again:

Any Final Thoughts?

Lindsey: Please know that these emotions are not going to remain with you forever. Grief takes time, and each day brings more and more healing. You are not alone in this.

How to Contact Lindsey Huttner

If you are interested in working with Lindsey and her team, please send an email to Lindsey@unlockyourtherapy.com or call 917-797-4945.

For additional information about Lindsey and her work, please visit ButterflyEffectTherapy.com and UnlockYourTherapy.com.

Healing Resources for Moms are Now Available in the SLAM Pregnancy App

I invite you to visit the pregnancy section in our SLAM app for additional resources to help you begin the healing process, and to check out our free video resources from Lindsey Huttner.

The post Healing After Miscarriage or Infant Loss appeared first on Get Mom Strong.

Let’s look at some of the most common reasons you might need to modify an exercise and some tips to help you (safely) make the most out of your workout:

1.   Skill level and form
2.   Pain management
3.   Pregnancy
4.   Lack of space or equipment
5.   Not “feeling” the exercise

1. Exercise Modifications Based on Skill Level and Form:

Remember: good form is critical. Without it, you put yourself at risk of injury, not to mention the exercise probably isn’t going to be as beneficial to your body.

If you find you can’t complete at least 40-50% of the reps in a set with sound form and core integrity (i.e. you find yourself flailing or lifting without using your core), take things down a notch by trying the following:

• Lighten Your Load
  Cut down on weights, or don’t use weights at all, and reduce rounds or reps. I always tell myself that something is better than nothing!
• Limit Your Range of Motion
  Use a shorter stance in lunges, limit the depth of your squats, or stop an overhead press before losing control of your ribs (creating rib boob).
• Use a Mirror
  Work out in front of a mirror or film yourself so you can create a stronger mind-body connection. This really helps with form.
• Consider Your Body’s Proportions
  People are unique. For example, it’s a lot harder for a six-foot plus person to do a squat press with a band than it is for a shorter person. Those with very long legs and shorter torsos might be particularly challenged by the core stability needed for dead bugs and marches.
  

Deep Core: Beginner and Advanced Versions of the Same Workout

 SLAM coaches are always available to check form and give feedback via our private Facebook group for SLAM members.

2. Exercise Modifications for Pain Management:

Pain in the knee, wrist, shoulder, hip, lower back…Mom life, aging, injury – it’s hard on the body. Modify exercises as needed if you have sensitive joints.

•  HAND/FOOT PAIN:
  If you experience pain while doing band work, try using one side as the stabilizer while the other side works.
  • Affix a long band to something stable – for example, sub archer rows for one-arm standing rows.
  • Try using a dumbbell instead of a band. Do a kneeling chop rotation instead of a crossbody band pull. 
• WRIST PAIN:
  Depending on the exercise there are several wrist modification options.
  
  • Drop your forearms for planks, instead of fire hydrants, do a clam on crack.
  • Elevate the surface – try wall tricep pushups instead of tricep dips.
  • Work the targeted muscle on your back (supine position) – instead of tricep dips, try a lying overhead tricep extension. 
• KNEE PAIN:
  • Add a prop to help stabilize/recruit supporting muscles. For example, squeeze a ball while doing squats instead of a wide-stance banded squat. 
• SINGLE LEG WORK PAIN:
  • Add stability – use one foot as a kickstand. Do a B stance bodyweight squat instead of one-leg bench getups.

3. Exercise Modifications During Pregnancy:

All pregnant mamas should avoid deep twists and rotations, large jumps, anything in the supine or prone positions, and sagittal plane core work (e.g. crunches, planks). Some exercise swaps include:

• Single dumbbell front raises instead of jump snatches.
• Back-stepping lunges instead of forward/backward leaps.
• B-stance bodyweight squats instead of one-leg bench getups.
• Plie squats with a ball squeeze instead of bridge with an overhead ball squeeze.

SLAM Pregnancy is tailored to expectant mothers and incorporates modifications. Any mom-to-be with the goal of working out and continuing SLAM deep into pregnancy needs to be proactive and educated on modifications. And since your energy levels can change day to day, each day you are offered two options: a 20 minute modified version or a 30 minute challenging one:

Can You Do Planks While Pregnant?

Yes! With your doctor’s ok, it should be safe to do planks while pregnant during the first trimester. If planks feel too challenging, bend your knees or keep them on the floor during the plank. 

If you notice coning in your belly, that is in an indication that the exercise is too intense and should be avoided. Coning is when a cone-like bulge sticks out of your abdomen when performing certain exercises or lying down. Extensive coning can lead to increased diastasis recti, which is when the abdominal muscles separate during pregnancy.

During the second and third trimester, try these plank exercise modifications instead:

4. Exercise Modifications When There’s a Lack of Space or Equipment:

Here are some alternatives if you’re working out in a small space or lacking equipment:

• Banisters and couch legs can become anchor points for bands.
• Coffee tables, couches, benches, and ottomans double as elevated surfaces.
• Filled water bottles are weights, tied up panty hose or robe ties are bands, kids balls are Pilates balls.

For situations when you don’t have good equipment substitutes, try another exercise. For example:

• Instead of a quadruped ball push with shoulder taps, try an elevated plank with taps.
• Instead of a farmer’s carry march, try a standing hip flexor march with a band.
• Do a push press with dumbbells instead of a squat and press with band.

5. Exercise Modifications When You’re Not “Feeling” the Exercise:

Sometimes you complete an exercise and just don’t feel it – or at least not in the right place. You’ll want to modify exercises by adding props to help your proprioceptive awareness (i.e. knowing where and how your body is oriented in space):

• Use the Wall
  Use a wall for feedback on single-leg deadlifts, squats with a foam roller or big ball (behind your back, against the wall).
• Add a Band or a Ball
  Add a band around your knees or a ball between knees when doing squats, bridges, and hip thrusts.
• Roll up Mini Bands
  Placing rolled-up mini bands under the toes or heel during standing work ensures you’re making complete contact with the ground.
• Make a Wedge
  Add a wedge (plate weight, folded up towel, etc.) under your heel for more challenge during squats.
• Incorporate TRX Straps
  If you have straps, try using them to support and stabilize you during popcorn lunges and jump squats.

Final Thoughts

While this is a long list, it’s not a comprehensive one, nor does “one modification fit all.”

Safety always comes first, so don’t hesitate to break down an exercise to make sure you’re doing it correctly, and in a way that works for your unique body. As always, if you are experiencing chronic pain, check in with your doctor.

Many modifications and substitutions are offered in the SLAM app. They’re typically very similar exercises, “tuned down” a notch or two. For example:

• Bodyweight Exercises: Try bodyweight squats instead of weighted squats
• Lunges: Try back stepping lunge instead of weighted lunge or step ups
• Pushups: Try elevated or wall pushups instead of pushups with shoulder tap
• Planks: Try supported/bent knee side plank instead of side plank with a leg lift or row
• Ab Workouts: Substitute seated options for standing core movements

SLAM coaches are always available to check form and give feedback through our private Facebook group for SLAM members. You can swap or modify exercises in the SLAM app by selecting the ‘swap moves’ feature. 

As always, if you are experiencing chronic pain, please see a medical professional.

The post How and When to Modify Exercises appeared first on Get Mom Strong.

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When I was a little girl, my mom would hold me close and say, “What’s the promise?” I’d smile with both annoyance and appreciation as I dutifully repeated my lines, “I’m pretty. I’m smart. And I’m nice. I won’t forget it. I promise.”  I’d wriggle free of her grip to get back to whatever I was doing—using the couch as a balance beam or walking through the house on my hands.

It wasn’t until 7th grade that I ever thought of myself as anything other than those three things—pretty, smart, and nice.  I thought of everyone that way.

“You have a giant, ugly vein that pops out of your forehead, and you look like a boy,” a classmate scoffed at me as I passed by her in the cafeteria just days after my 12th birthday.  I had thought we were friends, and I remember the heavy weight of her words as though it were yesterday.  I went into the girl’s bathroom and examined my forehead.  I didn’t really see a vein.  I furrowed, and raised my brows—repeated.  Nothing. Now I understand that I couldn’t see the vein, because I wasn’t smiling in the mirror that day, and for this reason, I now appreciate it’s unsuspecting appearance.

I took a big step back from the mirror, angling to get more of my body in its view.  Stuck somewhere between puberty and womanhood, it occurred to me that my hips were indeed “too” narrow, my shoulders “too” broad.  I didn’t have the curves I saw on the magazine covers. My heart sank. It was the first time I longed for that…and by that I mean something other than what I was.  And it certainly wasn’t the last time I’d feel like this.

I got into my mom’s gray Volvo after school and the tears spilled over.  “Danielle told me I had a vein in my forehead and no one likes me,” I gasped for air between sobs. “And I don’t know why she is being so mean.  And, I mean, um, I didn’t even, um, do anything to her.”

My mom, being the mama bear she is, said with finality, “Screw her.  She’s just jealous.”  I held tight to those words, wanting to believe that jealousy was her motive, and that I was in fact still pretty. After all, it was number one on my list of promises I was sworn to keep.

I was a gymnast as a young girl, and muscular like the sport commands.  A tomboy at heart, I loved to climb, never sat still, and I spent my days outside on my bike, playing basketball, or skateboarding.  I was active—always. I had powerful thighs, narrow hips, and a bust that never grew quite as big as I prayed for after that day in the cafeteria.  (Yes, I used prayers to ask for bigger boobs. Jokes on me.  They shrunk two sizes after breastfeeding). I was strong.  But strong, I’d learn, is not the female body ideal.

In high school, the guys poked fun at my muscular arms, asking if I could beat them up. “We better watch out,” they’d chuckle and exchange high-fives.  I’d laugh it off, one hand on my hip as I yelled back that I most certainly could, and they should be scared.  I was never really sure if it was callousness or flirtation on their part.  At the time, I hoped it was the latter.

In my mid-20s, a brand new mother, I was invited to a friend of a friend’s Crossfit group in their garage gym.  As I walked up the dusty driveway, my new baby in tow, I saw the home owner’s thick thighs and muscular arms.  Yes, these were my people.  And I was right. It was a group of strong individuals, and not simply in the physical sense.

Crossfit and motherhood coincided for me in a way that I can only imagine was more than a synchronistic stroke of fate.  A new mother with an unfaithful spouse and impending divorce, I felt uncertain of so much.   But I felt at home on the pull-up bar, and even more at home taking breaks to nurse and comfort my son, and garner the support of friends who are now family.  Motherhood and my new found sport brought me away from the confines of what I was supposed to be and took me back to who I wish I’d known I was all along—a strong, capable woman.

The bounds of love I felt for my son powered me to love myself deeper. For the first time in my life, I felt strong in every sense. I wasn’t looking for a thigh-gap, or an empty compliment from some guy, but for a 300 pound deadlift.  I didn’t give two shits that my arms were muscular.  They were there to hold my son as I rocked him to sleep.  I didn’t care that my back was broad, because it was the perfect amount of muscle to lift my son high in the air above me and watch as his face smiled down at mine, drool spilling from his bottom lip.  I didn’t care that my hips were narrow.  They were wide enough to carry a growing life and bring a miraculous soul into this world.   And my small breasts, well, they were the perfect size to nourish my son. My body proved itself epic once again when those same narrow hips birthed full-term twin boys a five years later.   

I’m not sure what drives people to comment on a woman’s body.  Insecurities of their own, perhaps.  “You’re too skinny, too fat, too thick, too broad, too bulky, too frail, too muscular, too old, too young, too what-the-fuck-ever,” they’ll say.  I’m in my mid-30s now, and people still feel it is their place to comment on my body.  They ask if I can beat up my husband.  Is my husband scared of me? Do I lift buses or something? Will I get that bulky if I lift weights?  It’s always said in jest.  I know there’s a dose of judgment behind it though, but what they don’t know is that not only can I lift buses, but I can move mountains. I’m a mother.

My mom succeeded with her intent in raising a strong and confident woman, and for that I’m appreciative. I only wish our society didn’t put so much value on being “pretty” in the first place.  But it does.   So here’s the deal.  Someone will always have something to say about your body, my body, and her body. So that leaves only one option—how we choose to internalize it. We must change how we define pretty.  So let’s be pretty amazing.  Pretty talented.  Pretty creative. Pretty innovative. Pretty driven. Pretty bad-ass.  And most importantly, pretty fed up with being asked to conform to one female ideal.

I never got the chance to have a daughter.  I’m a mom of three boys, and more than likely done having kids, but here is the promise I’d ask her to keep.  When I’d say, “What’s the promise?”  She’d repeat her lines with that same annoyance and appreciation I displayed. Only she’d say, “I’m capable. I’m kind. I’m me, Mom.”

The post I’m Pretty. I’m Smart. And I’m Nice. appeared first on Get Mom Strong.

Tell the diet industry to go screw themselves.  Seriously, tell them to take their plans, their shakes, their supplements, their powders, their challenges, and their unsustainable quick-fix programs, and stick them up their rich butts.  There you have it.  That’s the secret to a healthier, more nourished you.

Listen, there is no magic pill, or tea, or shake that will help you lose weight.  There is no ancient root from the remote Tibetan coast harvested by monks that unlocks the hidden mystery of effortless weight loss.  Have you seen those online ads, “Eat this one thing everyday and you will have a flat stomach.” How many people click on those ads?  I’m guessing hundreds of thousands.  And you’d eat rat poop if they told you that was the answer, wouldn’t you?  It’s all bull poop–or rat poop…whatever. There is no wrap, or juice, or vitamin that can help you reach your goals. You aren’t going to “fix” yourself in 21 days, or even a couple months, and maybe not even years.  There is no quick fix. There is no end date to a healthier life. If there were an easy solution, no one would be overweight, and we’d all be sipping our Tibetan root in our bikinis beachside.

The weight loss industry is $60 billion strong.  It is an insanely lucrative industry because it appeals to a wide market share—or like, literally everyone in our country.  With 2/3 of Americans overweight or obese and the other third ripe with some body dysmorphia thanks to photoshop and stick-thin cover girls, they have everyone’s desperation filling up their pocketbooks.

You know what these companies are really selling? They sell a heavy dose of false hope, and an abundance of disappointment.  And you know what happens when you gain back the weight or can’t stick to the diet? They swoop in to sell you something newer, better, quicker.  Oh wait, that still didn’t work?  Surely it is a “you” problem.  It was your lack of willpower at play, not their product.  You didn’t try hard enough. Try again.  And again. And again.  It’s a never-ending cycle.

STOP DIETING.  You’re done with that. Nourish yourself instead.  Take back the power.  You want to change your life?  Shift your mindset and look within!  Take a look at the bigger picture and hold these 5 motivating truths close as you embark on a journey to a healthier you.

1. Food is a form of love.

Food is the most primal relationship in our life. It’s the one we literally can’t live without. And like any relationship, it can be so damn complicated. Providing our body with nourishing food is the most tangible act of self-love and self-respect, but we get so caught up in the rat race of life and marketing propaganda that we forget this most intrinsic piece of knowledge.

Ask yourself this—do you eat to nourish yourself? Or do you eat for comfort, for joy, for sadness, or to fill a void of some kind? Do you indulge because you feel you “deserve it” after a long, crappy day?  Do you skip meals because you just don’t have time? What if you shifted your mindset and told yourself that what you deserved was a nutritious meal and a few moments for yourself?  What’s stopping you from prioritizing yourself?

I am a nutrition coach—not a counselor—but my job certainly has a gray area in which I work to help my clients uncover “the why” behind their food choices.  Understanding why we aren’t offering ourselves love through nutritious food in which we are so deserving can be a deep and painful personal space to explore, but one that provides so many answers to past failures and future successes.

Understanding that food is a form of self-love and self-care, and that you are deserving of both, is the most prolific revelation in the start to a healthier life.

2) Treat the cause, not the symptoms.

I recently saw a friend’s Facebook post about her weight loss efforts.  A friend commented on her post with something along the lines of, “What diet are you on? Doesn’t matter. Just another diet that I will hate and fail.”  I recognized the frustration and helplessness in her comment.  It is a familiar story—one I’ve seen time and again with my clients.  I’m guessing she has tried a number of diets, and has never been able to keep the weight off. Maybe she even gained back more after the diet ended.

Diets temporarily treat symptoms, but don’t address the root cause.  It’s like putting on chapstick when what you really need is a cup of water. If you don’t treat that root cause–lack of hydration in this example–your lips will chap again as soon as the chapstick wears off. It’s the same scenario with dieting.  If you don’t look at what has led you to this point, and what habits you’ve set in place overtime, you’ve only temporarily treated the symptoms and not the cause.  Your diet will wear off, just like that chapstick, and you’ll be back at square one.  Treat the root cause.  Take a close look at why you make the food choices you do, and work toward healing your relationship with yourself and food.

3. Ditch the quick-fix and set attainable goals instead.

Diets and challenges with end dates want you to clean sweep your entire diet and way of life like it is some magic wand that can erase years of bad habits that are deeply ingrained.  There is no reset button. Do it differently. Instead, set in motion one or two simple changes until it becomes habit.  Expand from there…slowly and overtime.

After years of yo-yo dieting, how empowering it is to not “fall off the wagon” and instead achieve what you set out to do.  This empowerment is contagious and confidence is the ultimate motivator in weight loss.

You tell me what feels more achievable? Restricting caloric intake to 1,500 calories a day, or simply adding vegetables to every meal and drinking water before snacking? Don’t make it complicated. Simplicity is where it’s at.

One of my favorite articles on weight loss is by Breaking Muscle and it says this, “Repeatedly attempting and failing to improve your health using temporary, unattainable nutrition strategies is a guaranteed way to persuade yourself that you can’t actually change your health.  It rapidly erodes your belief in self-efficacy, which is the psychological driving force behind every phase of personal change…”

Put simply—success breads success.

4) Be patient.

You didn’t gain weight overnight, and you aren’t going to lose it overnight, either.

Healthy living is a work in progress, not a destination.  It is a process, and a slow and sometimes painful one at that.  We are a culture that seeks the instant fix.  We want instant gratification.  Because the 3-day juice detox sounds amaze-balls, right? Sure, until you pass out in Target and gain all the weight you lost (mostly water weight) after you eat your first real meal.  Successful weight loss takes time because you can’t just sweep in and change everything at once.  It is too shocking to your system and your psyche.

Without getting too scientific, know that crash dieting fails because it is not sustainable to be in an extreme, long-term calorie deficit, as it shifts hormones in your body that signals hunger, stimulates muscle loss that is important for an optimal metabolism, and significantly slows your resting metabolic rate. So, yeah, you fall off the wagon and eat 37 Girl Scout cookies after all that time you just spent “being so good.”

5) It gets easier.

At the forefront, change feels scary.  It feels hard.  Your confidence is shaken.  Please know, it gets easier.  The more you eat healthy, the more you crave healthy.  The more you cut out sugar, the less you want it.  You will soon feel more energy and more strength from treating your body right.  You will look forward to your afternoon walk that you once felt was such a chore.  You will want the salad instead of the burger.  You will crave vegetables.  I promise. Know that change will take work until it feels easy–and eventually it will.  So stick with it.  You aren’t on a diet.  You are on this ride we call life.

Be proud of the journey, not just the outcome.  You are your biggest cheerleader. And you DESERVE health.

I’m guessing all this wasn’t the simple weight loss solution you wanted to hear, but I’m also guessing you knew deep within you that there wouldn’t be a quick fix.   You knew that change comes from within—one healthy choice at a time.  While you can’t market this, or slap some sexy celebrity abs on the cover, it is the truth.  Dieting is the alternative facts.  Let’s just keep it real.

The post 1 Trick To Finally Lose Weight (and Keep It Off) appeared first on Get Mom Strong.

I’m here to tell you that stress urinary incontinence (SUI)—or simply put, leaking urine with physical activity, coughing, laughing or sneezing—is not simply the price of motherhood. Diastasis recti, an abdominal separation common after pregnancy that leaves you with an unrelenting “mommy tummy” and back pain, is not the price of motherhood. Painful sex, low back pain, bladder urgency, perineal pain, pelvic pain, anal incontinence, and pelvic organ prolapse…all NOT THE PRICE OF MOTHERHOOD.  

Stretch marks—own it. Lose skin—rock it. Saggy boobs—well, we aren’t in college anymore, are we? But for the love of all things sacred, please don’t spend the rest of your life coping with postpartum side-effects that you CAN improve.

After talking to two pelvic floor experts, here’s what they want you to know if you are a mom, mom-to-be, or well…have a vagina.

1) Long lasting pain is NOT normal after child birth (or ever). Don’t settle for it.

Moms have an innate toughness that rivals even the most powerful superhero. We push through discomfort, always too busy focusing on everyone else around us to address our “pesky” postpartum issues. And even if you are proactive in seeking help, many obstetricians dismiss concerns, or simply aren’t aware of where to send patients with troubling postpartum symptoms. Frankly, the standard of postnatal care is often a simple dismal of the problem altogether, labeling it as nothing more than a “side-effect of motherhood.”

So we go about our lives, watching our kids jump on the trampoline from the sidelines. We skip that run we once enjoyed with friends. We quit going to weightlifting classes because we don’t have the core strength anymore. We dread intimacy, not because our husband farts in bed, but because it really hurts. We give up important parts of our lives all in the name of “motherhood.”

“When you can’t do the things that make you—you—it starts chipping away at pieces of us that make us who we are…the pieces that make us more than just moms,” says Sara Reardon, a pelvic floor physical therapist specializing in prenatal and postpartum issues. “Intimacy with your partner is important. Playing a sport you enjoy, or running, or dancing—it is important. You shouldn’t be shutting down areas of life that are important just because you had a baby.”

And you don’t have to!

There are resources that can help you gain function and ease discomfort. Seek a pelvic floor physical therapist in your area.

“Pain is not normal. Just because it is common does not make it normal, and it doesn’t mean you can’t get help. There are so many things that can be done to improve your condition,” says Reardon. “It’s not just about getting your vagina back in shape. It is about taking back your life.”

2) You likely aren’t pissing yourself because you didn’t kegel enough.

I know you heard it like a million times during pregnancy, read it in all your pregnancy books, and it was probably the only piece of postnatal advice you got from your obstetrician. Kegel it up, and you’ll have a vagina of gold after you pop that baby out. Now you are blaming yourself. “I didn’t do them enough,” you sob, as you pee yourself on your morning run.

Throw that blame out the window, and most likely those kegels can go right along with it.

A kegel is a muscular contraction (think stopping urine mid-stream), and it can be useful in some instances, but contracting these muscles can make the muscle tighter and this isn’t always a good thing. And, might I add, tighter doesn’t mean more functional. I know what you’re thinking, “Anything tighter down there must be better.”

Here’s the deal. Your pelvic floor is comprised of a group of muscles that never completely relax, or we’d be incontinent, so if you add kegel exercises to an already tight pelvic floor, it can cause or worsen dysfunction.

“Imagine if you are flexing your biceps all day and someone said, ‘Here, take these dumbbells and do curls.’ Your biceps would be ‘pumped up’ and fatigued, and will lose function more rapidly.  Your pelvic floor is comprised of muscles that are always working, and weakness can be a result of too much tension,” says Diana Fassett, pelvic floor physical therapist and owner of Success Physical Therapy. “The pelvic floor can hold a lot of the body’s tension, especially in a high stress person. So the cause of urinary leakage could actually be pelvic floor muscle tension or tightness.”

Kegels have their place, but the only way to know if they are appropriate is to be evaluated by a pelvic floor physical therapist. Unless you’ve been told that your pelvic floor is weak—not tight—then don’t try to break any kegel records. Instead, focus on learning to coordinate your transverse abdominis (those deepest abdominal muscles) with your pelvic floor and glutes. Learning to coordinate your breath with your pelvic floor in moments of exertion can help. Of equal importance, you need to know how to relax your pelvic floor muscles. It’s not simple, so getting assessed, if possible, is the best course of action.

Know you aren’t alone—50-70% of women experience stress urinary incontinence, according to Fassett, and not necessarily as a result of childbearing.

3) Train for pregnancy and motherhood like you would a marathon.

Think about pregnancy and birth as an athletic feat, because that’s exactly what it is. Many countries recognize it as such, providing pelvic floor perinatal health, and statics have shown it shortens the length of labor, prevents long-term complications postpartum, and reduces the incidences of c-section. (But who really needs it, right?) Because pelvic floor health isn’t commonplace, it is up to you to be proactive. If you are pregnant, or newly postpartum, or having lingering issues, ask for a referral to a pelvic floor physical therapist. Advocate for yourself.

According to Reardon, labor is even harder on a woman’s pelvic floor nowadays with the high use of induction drugs, and epidurals, which often result in a longer second stage of birth. Couple that with improper pushing techniques and positioning, and the pelvic floor can really suffer. Learning how to use your body is an important tool for childbirth.

Are you thinking of getting pregnant again? Then you want to get your pelvic floor back in shape before you have another pregnancy.

“Don’t put the problem off until you are done having kids. You want to be strong if you are going to run that next marathon. That takes training and preparation,” Reardon says. “If you don’t address your postpartum problems and put it off until you are done having children, you could be making the issue worse in the long-run.”

4) A c-section is a major abdominal surgery…treat it as such.

C-sections are absolutely not the “easy way out.” Any woman who has heard the staple gun firing as she lay on a table with a blue drape protecting her view knows that it is an intense and invasive surgery. Simply because it is commonplace, doesn’t lessen the extremity of the toll it takes on our body.

Here’s the real kicker. If you think your pelvic floor is safe because you didn’t give birth vaginally—think again. Scar tissue from a c-section can impair pelvic floor function. Adhesions can affect the colon, bladder, and cause blood supply issues that cause pelvic pain.

“You wouldn’t get ACL surgery and not get rehab. C-sections are major abdominal surgery. It should be treated as such,” Reardon says. “It should be an absolute standard of care that a woman who has experienced a c-section be provided with pelvic floor physical therapy at 6-weeks postpartum.”

Learning to do scar manipulation—in other words: pushing, pulling, pinched, rolling, and rubbing you scar in an effort to  redirect the fibers of the scar tissue—can help minimize adhesions and restore blood flow.

If you’re like me, just the thought makes you cringe. This is because that area is sensitive due to restricted blood flow. Unlike most pain, feeling uncomfortable during scar mobilization does have a gain. Mobilizing that scar will prevent long-term complications and help you heal more quickly.

5) Everyday posture matters for pelvic floor health.

How you move throughout the day impacts your pelvic floor. How do you hold your kid? Chance are you stand hip shot out, arched back as you try to absorb your baby’s weight. Those little buggers are heavy. The thing is, poor posture can put a lot of strain on your pelvic floor muscles and cause an imbalance. The result? Oftentimes, it means stress urinary incontinence or a diastasis recti that won’t heal.

If you think of your pelvic floor as a bowl filled with water that you don’t want to spill over, it will help you keep your ribs stacked over your pelvis and prevent you from either jutting your ribs out and arching your low back, or on the contrary, tucking your butt under.

When you get out of bed, roll to the side first and use your arm to push up to a seated position.

When you pick up the laundry basket engage your core.

“Turn yourself into a tripod when picking up the baby off the floor,” says Fassett. “There are many ways to ease tension by improving everyday movements.”

Are you going to be perfect as you move throughout the day? Absolutely not. No one breastfeeds at 2AM with perfect posture. So be easy on yourself, but being more aware, shifting your center of gravity and making small adjustments is an important improvement.

“At the end of the day, how many times did you remember to keep your core engaged? How often were you cognizant of your posture? Sometimes is better than none. It is a cumulative effort. It all counts,” says Fassett.

6) You might not feel it now, but chances are you will someday.

The body is clever. It adapts to weakness. So while you may be able to work around your body’s limitations and get away with no attention to your posture and movement, these stressors add up and often come to light in the form of a diastasis recti, back injury, urinary incontinence around menopause when your vaginal walls thin, pelvic pain, or another faltering system.

“It is not uncommon for women to have weak glutes, and they get by, gutting their way through exercise and through the daily movements.  The body looks for the easiest way around things, but this has a great impact on the pelvic floor,” Fassett says. “Think about it like this. When you have a rock in your shoe, you just put more pressure on your other foot, but eventually, the longer you compensate, the more your knee starts to hurt, or the outside of your foot aches. There is a ripple effect.”

Above all else, please know that there is help for you. You don’t have to pee your pants when you jump rope. You don’t have to walk around looking five months pregnant because your core isn’t working properly. You don’t have settle for pain “down there.” Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. It is not normal.

It is your body. It is your vagina. Advocate for yourself. I hope you grow old with strength. I hope you move through life with the grace of a mother. And most of all, I hope you laugh so hard you cry, and not laugh so hard you pee yourself.

For tips on pelvic floor health, follow Sara Reardon on Instagram, as the Vagina Whisperer.

You can find Diana Fassett’s Success Physical Therapy on Facebook.

The post You don’t have to piss your pants when you sneeze appeared first on Get Mom Strong.